Downs With Ups

This may say something about me as a mother and my attitude towards my daughter, but there have only been a few times when I’ve absolutely burst with pride in Poppet. Yes, there are times when I’ve been impressed with something she’s done or said, or times when I’ve taken pride in her attitude or achievements, and I do try to let her know as often as I can; but times when I’ve felt as if I’d actually burst with pride, times when my heart has swelled so big I can feel it in my ‘guts’ type of pride, are exceptional. Yesterday though, I had one of those moments.

We have come away on our annual two-week break to the beach. We’ve been doing this for the past 11 years and is one of the highlights of Poppet’s year. She absolutely loves the sea and would go in the water even if the temperature was minus something. Each year, she has grown in confidence in being in the open water, especially with waves that sometimes are two metres high.

However, she will only go in the water with a grown-up, as she is very unsteady on her feet in the swell. Her dad and I have spent years swimming in open water and we’ve tried to teach Poppet some of the tricks of enjoying surf. She’s picked these things up easily, so she can dive through a wave or fall back into one if it’s too big. We’ve taught her how to read the waves too, always looking at the swell beyond the breakers.

If we don’t go in the water with her, she’ll simply stand at the water’s edge watching the waves instead. Many a time we’ve had a grumpy girl stomping up the path on the way home after we’ve made her come away from the waves. She would stand there for hours if we let her. “Look at this one. Look at that biggie,” she’d say.

She casts a very different look on the beach standing with her feet just in the water, compared to the other kids. Children of all ages gleefully play in the shallows of the water or take their boogie boards out to catch a wave back in. Many a time I’ve yearned for her to join in, splashing and paddling in the water. Many a time I’ve yearned for her to just be like the other kids, I guess.

Poppet has a boogie board and loves to ride it; however, she has always required help to navigate it in the water. This year though, she developed some independence. She and I were on the beach and I was reading my book. She was impatient to go in.

“You can go in without me you know,” I said to her. It was as if she’d needed this straightforward reminder to move her into action. She looked at me questioningly.

“Take the boogie board and see if you can catch a wave or two,” I urged her. I was expecting her to say something like, “No, that’s alright. It can wait,” as she often does when she’s either not confident enough or keen enough to give something a go.

Sensing her hesitation, I added, “I’ll sit here and watch you. You’re so grown up now; I know you can do it.”

Poppet picked up the board and I helped her with the Velcro wrist strap of the board leash. Out she headed towards the surf, her board on her head, just the way her dad had taught her. I watched her cute silhouette walking away from me.

I was fascinated, wondering if she would give it a go, or as she’s often want to do, just throw it in, the first time it gets too hard. I hoped so much for her to give it a go and succeed. I wished for her the joy and thrill of riding a wave and doing it ‘all on herself’, as she says. I wanted this time to be the first of many other times when she would just pick up her board and take it off to the water for a surf.

She waded out into water and stopped when it was mid-thigh deep. Putting the board on the water, she stood there watching the waves. The swell wasn’t too big and she used the board to steady herself. Several waves swelled up, then broke. Any one of these would have been good to ride. My heart started to sink. I expected her to turn around and head back to the beach.

I’m glad I watched her just a little longer though, for she spotted a wave. I saw it too. It had just started to swell and fortunately, there was enough time for Poppet to turn the board around and hop on it. Each of these actions requires of Poppet extra effort for her low muscle tone and imperfect balance make it tricky to manage and her reactions are just not quick enough.

She was ready to go when the wave broke, just in front of her and it scooped her up in the froth, propelling her through the water towards the beach. I was ecstatic and I could see the joy in her face. Once she’d beached in the shallows, she looked up at me and I gave her two thumbs up. She blew me a kiss. She stood up, grabbed her board and put it on her head, and turned around to walk out to catch another wave.

Every ounce of my being felt pride. I was overwhelmed with admiration for my daughter. She had given it a go and succeeded. She had given it a go and felt how good it was to have this independence. After all the years of watching them, she had simply been watching the waves, waiting for the ‘right’ wave to catch.